Dis Da Fi Wi

A month ago today, I was sitting on a college campus in the states. I was soaking it all in, or at least trying as hard as possible to. I had less than 24 hours left before I was hopping on a plane and moving to Belize for two years.

I wish I would have started this blog then, back at orientation, but better late then never I suppose, right? So here it goes.. my attempts to sum up the last six weeks of my life in a blog.

The other day I was sorting through the three decades of National Geographic magazine (yes thirty years worth of NatGeo are now in my library) when I came upon a page with a picture taken somewhere in the Caribbean Sea - go figure - and the caption that filled the page underneath it simply said this:

"This is a place I always dreamed of but had almost given up hope of ever finding"

I was literally almost brought to tears by how much that resonated with me, not only at the current moment, but about my life in general. So much of the past several years have felt like this never ending search for some intangible and/or unspeakable desire. And for who knows what reason - I guess that's the mystery of it all - I've always felt like when I found it, I'll know in my heart that this, this is it. Like my dreams have come true.

Since being here in Belize I know that I can now say that; "this is a place I've always dreamed of." Not just because of its physical beauty, but because of the place that I am at now as a human being.

At orientation I realized more fully what I was asking for out of my life, what I was searching for and how I might find it. I've always understood on a very primal level that life is a process of evolution. Strictly speaking, my spirituality and my consciousness has developed over the past few years because of the experiences I had. Well I needed to have a newer experience in order to keep on evolving, so there I was applying for JVI. Next thing I know I'm meeting 30 other people over the course of two weeks who are on a similar path as me and attempting to live out their dreams just like me. Whoa. Still thinking about the vibe I got from orientation gives me the chills. Saying "I loved it" hardly does those two weeks any justice. For all of you that were there to share in that experience, thank you. Thanks for being you and being there and being open and vulnerable and on fire. I hope you can agree with me when I say that I will always hold those two weeks in a special place in my heart.. it marked the beginning of the end for a lot of us and the start of living life to its fullest for even more.

But here I am now in PG Belize, feeling on top of the world and more at home and in my own skin that I've ever been (honeymoon phase? suck it psychology.) I feel like I know now more than ever who I am and who I want to be, what I want to get out of life and what I want to give back to life. The list could go on and on, but the point I'm trying to drive home is that there is just this new level of awareness that I've been experiencing off and on over the past month and this new feeling of the universe telling me, almost screaming at me at times: "this is where I need to be and this will take me where I need to go, have fun, enjoy!" So just trusting in that and seeing myself as a part of this larger force at work has been completely amazing. I've been smiling more in the past month than I think I ever have in all my life.

Don't get me wrong though, the mind tries to take control at times and tells me I'm homesick, that I can't stay here for two years, I'll lose all my friends, I'll fail at my job, I won't make new friends down here. It's hard to manage those thoughts and know what to make of them or what to do with them the first few weeks. But slowly, your gut wins out. It tells your mind to shove it and get lost. Fear and anxiety are your worst friends down here, dismiss them as soon as possible. Once you recognize them for what they are: 'saboteurs', then you'll believe in that gut instinct I mentioned previously. You'll welcome it's happy thoughts and slowly they'll begin to show up more and more often until one day you'll realize they're never leaving - they're yours for life. Hah! Eventually you'll only know what it is to have positive vibrations. :]

So enough talk of the air and more about the earth.

Here's some ways to keep in touch with me for the next two years:
(contact info has been updated as of July 2010)

Mail:

Allison Hogan

PO Box 67

Punta Gorda, Belize

CENTRAL AMERICA

e-mail:

ahoganbze09@gmail.com

cellular phone:

011.501.620.5377

Be easy all. Dis da fi wi life.